it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
