Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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