worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
