remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
