I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
