It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
