wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
