we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
