When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
