Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
