i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
