I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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