just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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