His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
