That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
