We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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