I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am available for nakedness
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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