Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
