Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
