Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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