he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need a burrito and a hug.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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