I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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