Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
