i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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