Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
