TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
