I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it because I queefed?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
