before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
