Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
