How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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