Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
