Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
