You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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