so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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