What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My pussy is not your playground.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
