I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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