I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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