i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
