Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
a search helicopter?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
