I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
