grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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