How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
