She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
