i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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