your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
