Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know her cup size but not her name....
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