if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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