First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
