Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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