If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
